What I Do
Confession upfront: Yes, I'm writing this in an effort to make myself feel better.
I have been asked a few times in the last couple weeks, "So, what do you do?"
My answer was, "I'm a stay at home mom."
Response, "Oh! How old are your kids?"
Me, "10 and 12."
Response, "Oh, so do you home school?"
Me, "No....nope. Don't home school."
Response, "Oh."
Then I would go on to justify why I didn't work, how they get out of school so early, how I need to be home with them in the afternoon. Yada, yada, yada.
But, each time at the end of the conversation, I felt small. I felt like I added no value.
In my head, I know this is not true, but I was having a difficult time articulating "what I do."
I had a friend challenge me to find a more truthful answer. One that answers the question but also opens the door to conversation about why we've structured our family to be one where a parent is always available.
(BTW, my husband and I have ALWAYS said since the time there was a baby in my belly, that we would do what was best for the kids. I firmly believe that for some families, for lots of reasons, that means that both parents work.)
Anyhow, we have purposely structured our family to be one where one parent is home and available.
Here is my better answer to the question, "So, what do you do?"
"I work at home." That would be my short answer.
My more elaborate answer would be this:
"I work at home. I intentionally create an environment that is structured and nurturing so that when my kids get home from school there's a comforting place for them to relax and do homework. I sometimes bake things for snacks. I tend to cook every night so that when my husband comes home from work we can all sit together around the table and enjoy a warm meal, and he can feel restful after being busy all day.
I volunteer at my church. I serve on our worship team, and in our pre-teen ministry. I disciple college aged women and check in with them to offer support as they lead peers in Bible study. I support fostering and adoptive families in our church. Sometimes that's taking a meal, sometimes it's a conversation, sometimes it's giving and talking through training materials. I also volunteer at school. Last year I was room mother. This year I've helped at the book fair.
I get to nurture relationships that are important to me. Go have lunch or coffee with a friend. Watch my nieces and nephews. Discuss life and pray with a friend.
And then of course, I do all the things everyone does or pays people to do - laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, errands. I try to get these things finished while everyone is gone so that when we're together as a family we get to decide how we want to spend our time."
Now this seems to be a bit of a pat on the back answer. Like, "Look at me!" But I don't mean it like that. I just need to know that what I do has value. It has value and it's intentional. God has given me the desires of my heart. I am blessed to be able to do what I do. I shouldn't feel small because of it. I should feel honored. I should use my time wisely to do what God has called me to do for my family and my life. Not compare what I do with others.
My dare today is to truthfully answer the question: "What do you do?"
And, if you don't like it, with God's help, change the answer.
I have been asked a few times in the last couple weeks, "So, what do you do?"
My answer was, "I'm a stay at home mom."
Response, "Oh! How old are your kids?"
Me, "10 and 12."
Response, "Oh, so do you home school?"
Me, "No....nope. Don't home school."
Response, "Oh."
Then I would go on to justify why I didn't work, how they get out of school so early, how I need to be home with them in the afternoon. Yada, yada, yada.
But, each time at the end of the conversation, I felt small. I felt like I added no value.
In my head, I know this is not true, but I was having a difficult time articulating "what I do."
I had a friend challenge me to find a more truthful answer. One that answers the question but also opens the door to conversation about why we've structured our family to be one where a parent is always available.
(BTW, my husband and I have ALWAYS said since the time there was a baby in my belly, that we would do what was best for the kids. I firmly believe that for some families, for lots of reasons, that means that both parents work.)
Anyhow, we have purposely structured our family to be one where one parent is home and available.
Here is my better answer to the question, "So, what do you do?"
"I work at home." That would be my short answer.
My more elaborate answer would be this:
"I work at home. I intentionally create an environment that is structured and nurturing so that when my kids get home from school there's a comforting place for them to relax and do homework. I sometimes bake things for snacks. I tend to cook every night so that when my husband comes home from work we can all sit together around the table and enjoy a warm meal, and he can feel restful after being busy all day.
I volunteer at my church. I serve on our worship team, and in our pre-teen ministry. I disciple college aged women and check in with them to offer support as they lead peers in Bible study. I support fostering and adoptive families in our church. Sometimes that's taking a meal, sometimes it's a conversation, sometimes it's giving and talking through training materials. I also volunteer at school. Last year I was room mother. This year I've helped at the book fair.
I get to nurture relationships that are important to me. Go have lunch or coffee with a friend. Watch my nieces and nephews. Discuss life and pray with a friend.
And then of course, I do all the things everyone does or pays people to do - laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, errands. I try to get these things finished while everyone is gone so that when we're together as a family we get to decide how we want to spend our time."
Now this seems to be a bit of a pat on the back answer. Like, "Look at me!" But I don't mean it like that. I just need to know that what I do has value. It has value and it's intentional. God has given me the desires of my heart. I am blessed to be able to do what I do. I shouldn't feel small because of it. I should feel honored. I should use my time wisely to do what God has called me to do for my family and my life. Not compare what I do with others.
My dare today is to truthfully answer the question: "What do you do?"
And, if you don't like it, with God's help, change the answer.
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